Standing in line at the movie theatre recently, I listened to a mother tell her son "no" four times as we stood in a very short line to purchase our movie popcorn.  It went something like this ..."No, you can't buy candy!".... "No pinching mommy!".... "No, you can't go in the game room without a parent!"...."No, we are not buying a soft drink, we are drinking water!" The mother turned and commented to me, "I have turned into the mother I swore I would never be--"The No Queen!" With a little research, I have found many articles on this very subject and are quite helpful.  Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline for Preschoolers, states "Over-using the word 'No' tells a child, 'Don't explore, don't touch, don't experiment and don't take risks!'" That's not to say you should stop correcting your children or setting limits, however, your task is to think of ways to mean "no" without actually saying it.  Let's examine a few new strategies:

• Try Saying "Yes" Instead.  Re-phrase what you are trying to say.  For example, "Yes, you can go outside after you put away your Legos."  Doesn't that sound better than "No, you can't go outside until you put away your legos"?  Turning a negative into a positive sounds much better and will have a much bigger impact on your child.
• Say What You Really Mean.  The word "no" is too vague for children.  It does not tell a child what you do want them to do.  The adult needs to provide an action.  If a 3-year-old runs into a street after a ball, it's better to shout "Stop!" This lets a child know what you want he or she to do. This method works--and not just with dangerous situations. For example, "Please stop throwing food on the floor!" works better than "No throwing food on the floor!"
• Tell Kids What They Can Do.  Children need information. Tell a child what they can do before telling them what they cannot. For example, your child is jumping on your new couch. You are tempted to shout, "No jumping on the new couch!" But, the problem isn't jumping; it's where they are jumping.  So instead, give another option you're okay with such as "You can jump on the floor or jump off your climber in the yard."  This approach works wonders. It will enable you to defuse tantrums and arguments on a daily basis. 

With less whining, fighting, and bad behavior (and fewer consequences), any situation can be become better for the child and the adult.  Without being told "no" every other minute, a child's confidence is re-built and a parent is more at ease with decision making.

--Karen

Quality really matters in child care. This week a widely-reported new study shows that the quality of child care has effects that persist into adolescence.

• The Washington Post 

• MSNBC

Teenagers who had been in higher-quality care were less likely to report problem behaviors such as arguing, being mean and getting into fights. Teens who had been in low-quality care settings were found to have more obedience and academic problems that persisted through age 15.

The research was based on 1,300 children in a federally-funded study. The researchers collected information about the type and quality of care the children received birth through age 4½. All types of care were included from parents, to nannies, to child care centers.

This study speaks to the importance of making sound choices for child care. So what’s a parent to do?  Take the same approach as buying a car: study up on makes and models, read Consumer Reports and take a few test drives. Then make a choice.

Translated to child care: learn the indicators of quality care, get a checklist, visit and observe, check for quality indicators such as accreditation or a state star rating.  For child care checklists and further information visit: www.4cforchildren.org/Parents/ChoosingQuality.  

--Elaine

Summer is fast approaching and that means one thing...summer camp!  Over 10 million children go to some type of camp each year.  For most, it's a fun and rewarding experience full of challenges and excitement.  In addition to physical and athletic activities, kids learn about independence, cooperation, competition and teamwork. 

For many children, summer camp is also a time of significant emotional growth, development and transition.  Parents often note that their children come home seeming older or more mature than before they left.  Although most children are excited about going to summer camp, for some, it can be scary or an anxiety-provoking experience.  The following tips are designed to help parents prepare their kids for summer camp and deal with issues that arise:

1.  Choose a camp that is suited to your child's personality, temperament and interests.  If your child likes music, art or horseback riding, it makes sense to pick a camp with strengths in that area.  At the same time, there is nothing wrong with encouraging kids to try new things or to have a variety of experiences.  In general, it is best not to force kids to do things at camp they really dislike or simply cannot do. 

2.  Involve your child  in choosing the camp.  Review brochures, Web sites and videos available.  Visit the camp if at all possible and meet staff.  Ask for the names of other families you and your child can talk to about the camp.

3.  Don't push children to go to camp at too early of an age.  The "right" age will vary from child to child.  Some children are "ready" for "sleep away" camp at five or six, while others would not even consider the idea at 14 or 15.  If a child doesn't seem ready for a full summer away, numerous weeks or even a short stay away, consider a camp that a child comes home at the end of each day.  It may be an easier transition and a more positive experience. 

4.  Do they know any other campers? If your child is shy, or has not been away from home very much, consider a camp where they will know other friends or at least one person their own age.  Having one friend makes it easier to meet other kids.

5.  Send reminders of home. Encourage your child to bring favorite toys, books, music or other reminders of home such as photos ore even favorite foods, if allowed by the camp.  *Make sure you follow all the written guidelines in order to make the smooth transition from home.

6.  Don't be surprised if your child gets "homesick."  It's a normal reaction to being away from family and friends, especially for the first time.  Don't criticize a child who feels homesick at camp.  Telling them to "get over it" can sometimes make them feel even worse.  Instead, be supportive, reassuring and consistent.  Try to focus on immediate goals, like special events and communication times etc.  For most kids, episodes of homesickness pass within a few days.

7.  Prepare your child for a typical day, week, month etc.  Explain the daily schedule and include the important factors such as: sleeping arrangements, bathing, meal times, roommates etc.  What outdoor and indoor activities they will participate in.  Children worry about small things that are routine at home...they are not always routine away from home!

8.  What is the discipline policy?  Is there a policy in place for discipline?  What happens if your child has a problem with another child?  Will the staff handle it appropriately?  If your child has a problem with another camper, encourage them to try to work things out themselves before intervening.  Always suggest they talk with the camp counselor for help and suggestions.  Remember, part of camp is learning how to deal with new people and different situations.

9.  Group size is important! The American Camp Association recommends a staff-to-child ratio of 1:8 for children ages 6-8; 1:10 for ages 9-14 and 1:12 for ages 15-18.

10.  Staff members are crucial in the decision making process.  Make an appointment and meet the director and learn of their qualifications and credentials.  Ask about the staff and counselors of the program.  Find out if they have school-age experience and whether they complete ongoing training in the field of early childhood education, education, recreation etc. 

In closing, safety and health conditions are also critical and should be discussed before making the final decision.  Most kids enjoy camp.  They often look forward to returning year after year.  However, careful camp selection, preparation and planning can increase the likelihood of a positive experience.

--Karen

On Saturday, I had the pleasure of being a part of the "Learning Through Play Conference" at the Cincinnati Museum Center.  It was a wonderful day full of educational sessions for parents and early childhood professionals. One session included play ideas for children to help them develop small muscle coordination--necessary for writing and develops naturally over time as a child plays.  Here's a small list:

1. Play with playdough and clay.
2. String beads.
3. Fingerpaint, shaving cream, pudding and cool whip.
4. Work puzzles.
5. Cook, especially when it involves stirring, spreading, cutting etc.
6. Dress dolls.
7. Tear up paper for pasting and gluing.
8. Play "office" by using tools like scissors and hole punchers.
9. Drive toy cars and trucks along masking tape roads.
10. Build with tinker toys, legos, and blocks of all sizes.
11. Poke pretzel sticks into soft cheese cubes for snack.
12. Make a rubber band board for your child by pounding roof nails into a flat, square board.
13. Shell peas.
14. Wash doll clothes and hang them to dry with clip type clothespins.
15. Snap fresh green beans into pieces to cook for dinner.
16. Play with pegboards.
17. Pick dandelions.
18. Paint with water colors or poster paints.
19. Garden together. Plant seeds. Pull weeds.
20. Play in the sand or water with colanders, sieves, flour shakers, funnels, plastic tubing.
21. Scribble and draw.
22. Crumple up wads of paper and aim them at a basket.
23. Play a game of matching ...use different jars and lids and practice screwing the lids on.
24. Enjoy action songs and fingerplays such as "Twinkle, Twinkle" and "Eency Weency Spider".
25. Play dress up, especially with clothes that have buttons and zippers...old billfolds, purses etc.

THE SKY IS THE LIMIT!

-Karen

Children lose self control--in grocery stores and doctors' offices, on playgrounds, at school and even at home. What is the right response from a parent or teacher?

I am often asked if "time out" is a good response. Is it a "punishment:"? 

All discipline should be viewed not as a punsihment but rather as a way to help children gain (behavioral) control and express feelings appropriately.  The length and type of a "time out" should always depend on the developmental stage of the child and should be modified to suit a particular child's needs. A child should always know that there will be an end to the "time out."  Most children over age 3 are helped by having the time out timed in a visible way, e.g.,  with an hourglass-shaped timer. 

"Time out" can be harmful if used as a punishment, or if it separates the child from adult caretakers in ways that cause the child to fear being abandoned.  So never leave a young child alone without assurance that an adult is present. And keep "time outs" short. 

Good caretakers set clear limits and assure children that adults will help them by taking charge of any out-of-control behavior until the child can regain his or her own control.  When "time out" is offered in a spirit that respects developmental needs, it can work well.

Karen

Last week I had the opportunity to experience a dance and movement class with young children who are attending the The Treasure House Child Development Center in Covington, Kentucky.  4C was asked to connect a local author, Connie Dow to a NAEYC accredited center for the opportunity to gain information and pictures of young children for an article that would be written for the NAEYC magazine "Young Children" and her new book.  My experience was wonderful.  I not only got to witness the smiles and joy on the faces of these young children as they danced with the Dance and Movement Specialist, Danielle Ashley but I encountered children taking a trip on a boat, riding the ocean waves, creeping through a jungle and crawling, galloping and soaring to music.  This is just a glimpse into the excitement in store for young children who are offered the opportunity to participate in creative dance.

In all these examples, the children are solving tasks and problems both individually and together with the group.  They are learning to approach problems kinesthetically, and exploring innovative solutions.  In addition to nuturing creativity, guided movement sessions help childen practice listening skills, develop body control, and discover a new form of self-expression, all whil participating in fun and lively movement activities.

Creative dance is often missing from the early childhood arena.  Children are moving the instant they are born, and it is what they do from the moment they wake up in the morning.  Dance packs a particularly powerful punch in the daily lives of children, because it is both an art form and a physical activity.  Thus, it offers the positive experience of exploring a creative art form, with the added benefits that lively physical activities can bring.  Connie states, "dancing and movement have important components on why they are so important for children".  "Accessibility, Curriculum Enrichment, Physical Development,Fight Against Obesity,Social and Emotional Development, Creativity, Brain Development to mention a few.  Current research is showing that movement and exercise can spark new brain-cell growth and actually facilitate learning.

Evidence is mounting about the benefits of movement in the learning process.  Once educators and parents alike become familiar with movement and its many benefits, it is my hope that instead of "What is creative movement?" the question will be "Why not creative movement?"  I thank Connie Dow and Danielle Ashley and all the children at Treasue House Child Development Center for a wonderful morning of dance and movement and sharing your wonderful smiles and giggles....it started my day in the most perfect way! 

Karen    

Children bite for a variety of reasons.  When young children lack skills and strategies to communicate their feelings and needs effectively, this becomes a way of expressing frustration.

Young children are telling us what is happening to them as they grow. Infants may be telling us that their mouths hurt from teething.  Toddlers may be telling us that they need to be in a space that encourages them to move around, explore, and learn abut their environment.  Preschoolers may be telling us that they have seen or experienced biting and want to try it out.

Biting can also occur as a result of environmental conditions. Crowded, noisy, bright, or overstimulating environments may confuse or overexcite young children. Child/adult ratios that do not allow for close supervision can be unsafe and stressful. Learning materials, activities, and adult expectations that do not match children's abilities, learning style or temperament may frustrate young children. Changes in the environment or routines that are not sensitive to young children's needs can be upsetting. Schedules that do not match children's needs may cause anxiety or boredom.

What is a child trying to tell us through biting?
Biting behavior can provide clues to how children are feeling and what they need from their environment to be successful  Powerful emotions are difficult for young children to manage and express.  These emotions may include:  anger, frustration, excitement, fear and anxiety. 

When educators and parents understand what children are trying to tell them, they increase the chances of preventing and appropriately responding to biting behavior. Provide teething toys to relieve pains.  Provide opportunities to move and explore independently, and to make choices.  Allow a child to eat when hungry, sleep when tired, sit on your lap, or have enough time to finish an activity.  Acknowledge children's frustration and give them the words to express their feelings.  Model the appropriate words to ask for something.  Provide consistent, nuturing relationships with responsive adults.  Recognize when children are unable to manage a situation on their own and intervene in a calm and caring manner.

Remember to create environments that match children's individual developmental needs and interests.  Keep routines simple and consistent.  Limit the number of transitions for children and remember to give children an alone space and time for rest and relaxation.  Biting is usually a phase and shall pass in due time!

--Karen

With the holidays fast approaching, the following information from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is something to pay attention to.  Those holidiay visits are a time for grandparents to spend quality time with family, but we want the children safe.  A few reminders in the Grandparents Guide are easy to forget:

• Put small infants to sleep on their backs in a crib with a firm, flat mattress and no blankets or bumper pads.
• Don't give small children toys or other items with small parts--or tie toys around their necks.
• Always transport a child with a car seat---and never hold a child on your lap!
• Never leave a child alone for a moment near any water or in the bathtub, even with a bath seat. (And check bath water with your wrist to be sure it is not too hot.)
• Don't leave a child unattended on a changing table or with other nursery equipment.
• Keep window blind and curitan cords out of reach of children.
• Keep all medicines in containers with safety caps and out of reach of children.  (Remove medication from purses as well.)
• Use safety gates for stairs, safety plugs for electrical outlets and safety latches for drawers and cabinets.
• Buy toys that are age appropriate.
• Keep children--and furniture they can climb on--away from windows.
• At playgrounds, check for protective surfacing under equipment.
• Be sure children wear helmets when riding bicycles and new scooters.
• Make sure all smoke detectors work--and keep lighters and matches away from children.

Smart decisions save lives!                                                                                                                        --Karen

The holidays are just around the corner and parents are making a list and checking it twice. Here are some questions to as before you buy a toy for your child.  If you answer yes to most of them, the toy is probably a good purchase.

● Is the toy safe for my child's age?    

● Will my child be interested enough to play with it over and over again?  For several minutes or even an hour at a time?   

● Is it constructed well?  Will it hold up to lots of use?   

● Does the power and the imagination to operate the toy come from my child?  

● Will my child feel successful when using the toy?  Does it challenge my child's abilities just enough? 

● Can the toy grow with my child?  Will it still be appealing in a year?  For several years?  

● Can my child use the toy in different ways?  Can it be used creatively?  

● Will it help my child learn about other people, nature, or how things work?    

A complete brochure (Toys, Tools for Learning) is available from the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) Web site: http://www.naeyc.org/store/node/198

Why is play such a big part of most early childhood programs?  It's the foundation for planning, flexible thinking, strengthening memory skills, problem solving, self-control, persistence, the ability to use symbols, and much more.  It's clear:  when you watch children play, alone or with others, you're watching development occur.  When you support and encourage play, you're helping development occur.

Look around...you might even spot a local expert on play sitting under a kitchen table.  That's where I found my daughter at the age of three playing with some toy animals and a cake pan.  After numerous minutes of watching the horse, zebra and giraffe all take a drink from the cake pan...I observed the following:

*practiced planning as she decides where each animal will stand. *used flexible thinking as she solves the problem of making the giraffe stand up. *memorized the original order of the animals and recreated it after moving them. *engaged in symbolic thought and representation by pretending the cake pan is a pond and the toys are real animals. *strengthened her self-control and her ability to be persistent by overcoming her annoyance at the giraffe.

Early childhood programs take play seriously for a good reason...play is important!                                                     Karen